“Hey.” “Hi, how are you?” “What’s up?”
These openers are polite, but they hand all the work to the other person. They have to invent a topic, sound interesting and keep the conversation going. Many people simply don’t bother.
A good first message does the opposite: it makes replying easy and fun. Here is a simple way to write one.
The formula: notice, connect, ask
- Notice something specific about them: a photo, a line in their bio, an interest, a place.
- Connect it to you in a few words: why it caught your eye, or what you have in common.
- Ask an open question that’s easy and enjoyable to answer.
That’s it. Three short parts, one or two sentences in total.
Examples you can adapt
For a date
“That photo at the climbing gym looks like a lot more fun than my last workout. Are you more bouldering or ropes?”
“You said your perfect Sunday is a farmers market and a long lunch. Which market wins in your book?”
For new friends
“I’m also new in town and still hunting for a decent coffee spot. Found one you’d actually recommend?”
For networking
“Saw you work in product design. I’m building something in that space too. What’s the one tool you couldn’t work without?”
Notice what these have in common: they’re specific, they’re short, and the question has an obvious, easy answer.
Use what you have in common
Compatibility gives you an unfair advantage here. If you already know you share an outlook on life, a love of travel or a very similar chart, you have a natural topic.
That’s why every compatibility layer in Whispa comes with a ”Start with” hint. When you tap your star sign, personality portrait or natal chart score with someone, you see a short reading and a ready opener, like:
“What’s something you’ve always wanted to try, but never had a partner for?”
You can send it as it is, or use it as a starting point and make it yours. Either way, the blank-screen moment is gone.
Five small rules that help
- Keep it short. Two sentences beat a paragraph.
- Skip the compliments about looks. Comment on choices (a place, a hobby, a joke in their bio) instead.
- Ask one question, not three. It should feel like a conversation, not an interview.
- Match their energy. If they reply with one line, don’t send five.
- Move toward a plan. After a few good messages, suggest something concrete: a coffee, a walk, a class. Plans turn chats into real connections.
And if they don’t reply?
That’s okay. People get busy, and not every great match is ready to talk this week. Let it go, don’t send follow-ups after a clear “no,” and keep your energy for the next person who’s excited to hear from you.
Writing first takes a bit of courage. The good news: with the right first line, you only need a little.
